Boyfriend Material
by ice illuser
Summary: He wasn’t what she would have considered boyfriend material back in high school, but this was her. She needed someone who didn’t care how much she ate. He needed someone to satisfy his hunger for mysteries. Everything else was pretty much irrelevant.


Disclaimer: It would be really sad if I was busy fangirling over my own work, so I obviously don't own Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro.

A/N: I actually stumbled upon Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro quite randomly while going through OneManga's manga list alphabetically, but I'm so grateful I found it. The mysteries! The humor! The sadism! I read through the entire thing, and am now rereading it while waiting anxiously for new translated chapters and watching the anime. I love Neuro's sadism and Yako's calm/gluttony, so I have ended up writing a fic about them. Please enjoy.

--

Somehow Yako had never expected to still be in the detective business. It might have been because she had been sure that either Neuro would have killed her by now or would have gotten tired of her, but here she was, two years out of Tokyo University (where the cafeteria food had been fantastic!), still working out of a small office in the dingy building, still grooming Akane-chan five times every week, still getting tortured daily by Neuro.

Some things had changed though. Sasazuka-san had moved up in the police hierarchy even though he was still in conflict with Usui-san, Godai-san had become president of the Mochizuki Trust General Research company, and Neuro—

"Where do you think you're going, wood louse?" Neuro drawled, legs propped up on the wide desk and flexing his fingers as Yako put her hand on the door-knob.

"I've got somewhere to go today," Yako said firmly, opening the door, "It's time to go anyway."

No sooner had the words left her mouth was Neuro's hand firmly gripping her head and slamming it into the door, "You forget your place, slave. Slaves don't get to decide when to go. I do."

Yako managed to squirm out of Neuro's grasp through a practiced twist of her head, "Great, but really. I have to go."

Neuro smiled evilly, baring all of his teeth, "And where are you going in such a hurry, maggot?" he asked, taking off one of his gloves and idly examining his claws.

Yako didn't bother to answer, running pell-mell out of the door with a speed that had been developed over the years for the sole purpose of getting away from a certain daemon.

As the sound of Yako's foot-steps receded, Neuro smirked, one of the triangular yellow demon batteries in his hair sparking and rising into the air. "There's a scent of a mystery…" he mused as he drew his glove back on and walked towards the window, "Not a particularly big one, but I think it'll do as a snack. And I can go torture Yako some more."

--

Yako breathed a sigh of relief as she entered the restaurant and checked the ceiling. No sign of Neuro. That didn't mean he couldn't pop up again soon, but if he wasn't here already, that could mean that he had lost interest. Hopefully anyway.

"Hey, Yako-chan! Over here!" Kanae yelled, waving her over to a table in the corner.

Yako smiled and walked over to the table quickly, plopping into her seat and flicking open the menu automatically, "Hi Kanae-chan. What should I get? There's so many options…should I get them all or should I—"

Kanae slapped a hand over Yako's mouth quickly, leaned in and hissed, "What are you _doing_, Yako-chan?"

Yako blinked at Kanae quizzically, "…what I always do?" she pointed out, gesturing at the menu.

Kanae shook her head sadly, "Do you even know what's going on here?" she demanded quietly, barely moving her mouth.

"You invited me to a restaurant to meet some friends?" Yako said in bewilderment, hand inching over to turn the page of the menu. "Are you feeling alright Kanae-chan?"

Kanae groaned, "Yako-chan," she said firmly, gesturing over to the two people who were seating in the seats directly in front of them, "Who do you think those people are?"

Yako turned her limpid but confused gaze onto the two guys, squinted, and finally offered, "Your friends that you wanted me to meet?"

Kanae put her head in her hands, "Yako-chan," she said slowly, looking seriously at Yako, "these are guys."

Yako nodded dumbly, sneaking a glance at the picture of the shrimp fettuccini. It really did look delicious…

Kanae gave up and decided just to hit Yako with the information that any other normal girl would have gotten by now, honestly. "We're on a double-date with these guys, Yako-chan," she whispered, gesturing from the guys to themselves and back again.

Yako blinked, and then replied blithely, "Oh, okay. Can we order now?"

Kanae stared at Yako in something akin to horror. "Don't you want to give them a good first impression?" she asked, ashen with panic as Yako began to hail the waiter over to their table.

"You can do that Kanae-chan," Yako said lightly as she began to list out the dishes she wanted to the waiter, "I'm hungry; that monster really stepped up the torture today. So anyway, I think I'll have the shrimp fettuccini, clam chowder, charcoaled catfish—oh, is that crème brule? I'll have some of that too and…"

Kanae turned to the two guys with a frozen smile firmly affixed to her otherwise horrified face, "She's just really hungry today," she babbled desperately, "She's not like that usually…"

"Really?" the black haired guy commented, "But wasn't she famous as the female high school investigator that could eat tons?"

Kanae uttered a curse against Yako's ridiculous eating habits under her breath. "Well, y-yeah," she stuttered out as Yako sat back happily after rattling her trailing list of food. "But she's not really always like this," she lied quickly.

"What are you talking about Kane-chan?" Yako asked wonderingly, "I'm always—"

"—watching your weight!" Kanae quickly cut in, smiling manically, "I know that Yako-chan!"

Yako stared in Kanae in confusion, "I have a high metabolism, remember?" she asked finally, after trying to think through why in the world Kanae was suddenly making absolutely no sense. It was like she had developed amnesia or something…

"But she still watches what she eats most of the time, these days," Kanae chirped, elbowing Yako in the side, in hopes that she would get the point to _shut up. _Seriously, the girl hadn't been in any relationships at all, had she? Always getting dragged around by that exotic looking assistant of hers…now that was a weird relationship, if it was anything.

Yako gave up trying to figure out what was wrong with Kanae. You had to pick your fights after all, especially after working for a daemon for so many years. There was no helping it sometimes. She sat back in her chair and smiled at the two guys, "Pleased to meet you, I'm Katsuragi Yako," she said, holding a hand out, "What are your names?"

The black haired guy smiled and shook Yako's hand, "Pleasure to meet you, I'm Honda Takeshi and a big fan of yours."

Yako laughed in embarrassment, "I don't really do all that much," she muttered, scratching the back of her head.

"Didn't you solve that HAL case and the Sicks one?" the guy with dyed blonde hair asked suddenly.

"Well, yeah but—" Yako's head swiveled suddenly to the right as the aroma of food wafted over. "_Food!"_

Kanae smiled tightly at the blonde guy as Yako began to gorge on the food that was laid out before her. Takeshi stared at Yako's quickly diminishing pile of food in astonishment, "So the rumors really are true," he began lightly, "You must need all of that nutrition for your brain to solve all of those cases."

Yako managed to mumble, "No, not really," while shoveling forks of pasta down her throat, but no one could piece together what she was trying to say.

"Is it really true that you met X in person? What was he like?" Takeshi continued eagerly, staring at Yako with brown eyes shining with wonder.

Yako swallowed, and seeing that her other dishes were completely empty, considered the question. "I did meet him," she said slowly, turning over works in her head, "He was…like a child, I suppose. A very destructive and terrifying child, but a child nonetheless. A bit lost. Imina was the one he relied on to run things though, I think."

"And you're still alive after going through all that!" Takeshi exclaimed in wonder.

Yako scratched her head, "That's probably more thanks to Neuro than anything though," she admitted quietly.

Takeshi furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "Who's Neuro?"

"He's—" Yako's mouth twisted in thought. The usual explanation was that he was her assistant, but that always felt so false. She never liked to say it if possible. If anything was true, it was that he was her "master", but if she actually said that Neuro would probably beat her head into the table for giving up their farce, so she settled for saying, "He works with me."

"Oh," Takeshi nodded, "So he's like your assistant?"

"Something like that," Yako replied idly, looking in interest at the untouched bowl of crab bisque in front of Takeshi, "Are you going to eat that?"

Takeshi blinked, and looked down at the bowl and then back at her, "Do you want some?" he asked, pushing the bowl towards her.

"Yes thank you," Yako grinned, snatching up the bowl and scooping up thick spoonfuls eagerly.

Kanae groaned at the sight, before resignedly turning to the blonde guy and commenting blithely, "So Seiji-kun, how are you?"

Seiji leaned back into his chair, "Fine. You?" he asked lazily.

"Great," replied Kanae, looking uneasily at the extremely wide-eyed look that Takeshi was giving Yako who had pretty much managed to polish off the bowl of crab bisque, "You want to go somewhere after this?"

Seiji looked at her carefully and then nodded, "Sure. Want to go to the movies?"

Kanae smiled, the first genuine smile she had sported since Yako had walked into the restaurant, "I'd like that," she said carefully.

Takeshi, overhearing their conversation, turned to Yako eagerly, "You want to go to the movies too, Yako-chan?"

Yako looked at Takeshi in surprise, but before she could open her mouth, a brown-gloved hand sealed itself on top of her mouth.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" a familiar voice drawled next to Yako's ear, "A _date_, wood louse?"

Yako looked up in horror at a Neuro who was sporting an especially _toothy _grin. Oh god, this wasn't good. "Neuro," she began frantically, "I—"

Neuro cut her off with a particularly violent twist of her head, "Do be quiet, maggot," he hissed, "So this was the mystery all along. How very…dull and unappetizing of you."

"Excuse me," Takeshi interrupted in irritation, glaring at Neuro, "Who are you? And could you please stop manhandling her?"

Neuro sneered at him, "My, my, practically your knight in shining armor, isn't it, dish rag? Wherever did you pick it up? For that matter, who ever thought you had it in you?"

Yako yanked Neuro's hand off of her mouth, "Oh come off it," she muttered, glaring up at him, "Can't I go out and have some fun with some friends?"

Neuro leaned in even closer to Yako until she could feel his breath in her ear, "You're _my _slave, wood louse," he whispered, "There will be no further consorting with other males outside of work."

He then drew back, dragging up Yako at the same time with him, "We're going now," he stated, shooting the entire table a cool look of disdain.

Takeshi stood up and grabbed Yako quickly by the arm, "Hey, who is this guy?" he demanded angrily, "You don't want to go, do you?"

Yako smiled apologetically at Takeshi, and quickly bowed her head while lightly shaking off his hand. "I've got to go," she said as Neuro hauled her out of the restaurant.

Tripping after Neuro as he took long strides, not bothering to even consider the fact that this slave might have just a _little _bit of a problem following him was definitely not at the top of Yako's Things That Are Pleasant List, but on the other hand it rated very, _very _high on the Things That Count As Nice From Neuro List. Although, she could be treated from something near the bottom of that list soon, she admitted to herself upon seeing the way Neuro's eerie green eyes were narrowed and the way he seemed intent on hauling her all the way back to the office.

Once finally in the office, Neuro easily slammed the door shut, tossed Yako unceremoniously onto the couch, and pinned her arms above her so that she couldn't get away.

"So," began Neuro maliciously, with a special painful twist to her arms make it clear to Yako that he was in a _really _bad mood, "my slave thinks she can run off with random men, does she?"

Yako gave up attempting to struggle away, and instead tried to make herself comfortable on the lumpy couch, "No," she stated calmly, looking Neuro straight in the eye, "Kanae-chan invited me to dinner with a few of her friends. I haven't seen her in awhile, so I went."

"She obviously knows of your gluttonous habits," Neuro mused, and he dug his fingers into Yako's arms, "As you must have known that she would be bringing men."

Yako snorted, wincing a bit at Neuro's rough ministrations, "Maybe I should have since it is Kanae-chan we're talking about, but really, why do you care so much?" she retorted in irritation, "I can do what I want in my spare time, can't I?"

"You, my _dear _wood louse," Neuro emphasized with a slight jab to her ribs with his knee, "are _my_ slave. And I will dictate what you can and cannot do."

"Geez," Yako muttered, shifting a bit to get rid of a crick in her neck, "do you expect me to become an old maid for you?"

Neuro smirked and leaned in, his nose nearly touching Yako's, "Oh no, I don't expect that," he said, his light breath ghosting over her face, "I just want to make it clear that you belong to _me."_

Yako frowned, unsure of what situation she had gotten herself into this time, "What are you—"

Neuro easily slammed his mouth down to hers. It was far from a gentle kiss, Yako could only dumbly think as her eyes widened. Then again, Neuro was far from a gentle person.

Drawing back, Neuro gave Yako a pleased look as he brushed one gloved finger across her ravaged lips. "No more dates," he instructed relatively pleasantly, for a sadistic daemon anyway.

Yako touched her swollen lips cautiously, and then looked up into Neuro's glowy eyes, "What do you think you're doing?" she asked carefully.

Neuro raised an eyebrow as he once again leaned in closer to her, "Simply marking what's mine," he stated, nipping her lower lip with his sharp teeth, "Isn't it obvious?"

Yako drew back uncertainly, "Why?" she asked directly, narrowing her eyes.

"Why?" repeated Neuro incredulously, "Why am I marking and making it clear to my insolent slave that she will not take on any other male as a potential mate? Is that what you're asking, wood louse?"

Yako slowly pieced together her words, staring out of the window, "So, you want me to be your mate?" she finally asked.

Neuro jerked Yako's head back towards him, "You're asking as if you have a choice in the matter, maggot," Neuro stated flatly as something dark flared in his glowing green eyes, "Or have you already been seeing some other man?"

"What would you do if I have been?" Yako asked out of curiosity, still unsure how to deal with this new side of Neuro.

Neuro smiled sinisterly, putting all of his abnormally sharp teeth on display, "There are a variety of lovely tools I could use on both you and him in that case," he said, stroking her amber hair slowly, "But that isn't the case, is it wood louse? I would have already noticed."

"Of course you would," muttered Yako, "I have to practically live in this office since you won't let me go buy a nice apartment that's just a _little _farther away from here than you'd like."

"Have to have you on call at all times, wood louse," Neuro commented absentmindedly as he gripped the back of her head to pull her up for another rough kiss.

This time Yako closed her eyes and kissed back. Truth was, and she had admitted this a long time ago to herself, any other man would actually be too boring after going through Neuro for years. Between getting tortured every day and ending up in more life-threatening situations than she liked to count, she could face any normally terrifying situation with the attitude most people displayed on a quiet sunny weekend afternoon. A truly peaceful life would probably bore her to tears now.

Besides, she thought to herself as her fingers twisted themselves into Neuro's strange blonde hair; she had loved Neuro for a long time. And she knew that he cared for her in a yes, twisted, but persistent manner.

She knew she wouldn't be able to expect any frothy declarations of love from the daemon like in those romance novels Kanae-chan had liked to read, but then again she had never wanted that. This was fine. If she hadn't already known it, she knew now that Neuro cared for her, loved her deeply in most likely a very daemon-like manner.

He wasn't what she would have considered boyfriend material back in high school (dear God, she remembered telling Kanae-chan exactly why dating Neuro would be a bad idea), but this was her. She needed someone who didn't care how much she ate. He needed someone to satisfy his hunger for mysteries.

Everything else was pretty much irrelevant.

--

A/N: …ha, these endings are somehow always really hard for me. It doesn't look all that great, but this is the only way I can think to end it. Hope you liked it, please review! (It was written through listening to mostly Higurashi music, so if it comes out strange…) I tried to make it as in character as possible, which is of course why Neuro turned out so very abusive. (That's just the way he shows his love I guess.) On another note, you know what was really annoying about the anime? Yako is so much girlier than she was in the manga.


End file.
